The Perfect Mum

I am 47 years old and mother of 2 and married to the most amazing man, best friend and soul mate. We own and built a beautiful house here in Sligo.

So where did it go so wrong?

I grew up in London as the youngest of six children and my mum had split with my dad before I was born due to his drink problem. I never really knew him and I only saw him briefly as a child. One of my brothers lived with us and he was always drunk and I hated what he did to my mum during his drinking. She was always worried about him and this took my mum away from me as he was always her main focus. I am glad to say he is 15 years sober now and my mum died while he was sober.

Like most people I started drinking at about 15 but it never really took control until many years later. I had my first son at 20 and I brought him up on my own- not poor me, but it was hard work. I never had much money which I now see as a good thing as I couldn’t afford to drink much. I mainly smoked dope and had cheap cider or the odd nagging of vodka. I was in control and at this time but it was the dope that had its hold on me, not the drink.

I met my husband when my son was nine and it was the best time of my life. I found this amazing, sweet, caring man who didn’t smoke and barely drank. He worked hard and earned what I thought was great money. I remember my first time out food shopping with him and he filled the trolley and I only had about £30 on me. The shopping came to over £100 and he just paid it. I was in shock but felt for the first time in my life that I could actually buy what I wanted and not merely what I needed.

When we went out on a Friday night we had a drink and after the pub we would head home and get really drunk and we had fun and great times. I would always be the one to encourage him to drink more so that I could drink more. We married and bought our first house together and I had a good job. I went on to gain promotion and was earning great money so life was good.

I found that I was drinking wine or vodka every evening and I use to start drinking while I cooked dinner. I would drink wine as it looked better having empty wine bottles outside the house!

Looking back I would say it was probably then that alcohol had started to really take hold and this was around the year 2003. We decided to build a house in Ireland in 2005 and during this time my husband would work over here on the house and I would continue to work back in the UK but I was drinking every night. I started to hate it but each evening there I was doing it again, just enough until I fell asleep.

We moved over to Ireland in 2008. I was heartbroken leaving my son who was now 20 but he was working and had his own place. It was the hardest thing I have ever done (I’m crying between these words as I still feel the pain in my heart now) .

So here we were living in a big beautiful new house in a rural area with dogs, hens, a donkey and a little bit of land growing our own veg and few pound in the bank. We were living the dream

Then 2008 … The Celtic Tiger went BANG! – no work to be found , no friends, no family , too much bloody veg and keeping up this pretence to family back in the UK. I watched the man I love fall into a deep depression . Vodka, Vodka, Vodka. I now started to hide it and become that person I always thought I never would be.

I went on to have my darling little boy in 2010 and thought this would be my salvation. I would become the perfect Mother. I barely drank through my pregnancy and didn’t drink a drop in the final 4 months. So I had my baby and I now can see I had put so much pressure on myself to become the perfect Mother.

My world started to fall in on me as I had very bad depression so I turned to my old mate VODKA for help and of course she was there for me ready and waiting and off I went. I had a few drinks every evening but this time it took hold so fast and it became my crutch for everything. I couldn’t tell anyone because of the shame “Mother of young child drinking”. I never went out and I only drank in secret every night until I would pass out in bed.

2015;The best and worst year of my life.

Worst- I hit my bottom and ended up in mental ward drying out.

Best- I met Mary and Aubrey from Social Ground Force and they saved me and gave my husband back his best friend, lover and mother of his child.

I have now been sober 5 months and go to AA meeting 4-5 times a week and was told that my life would change in ways I couldn’t imagine it. Well in such a short time I have found the happiness and laughter that I had lost. I have become a better mummy to my son and I am not just doing this for him. I know that this is what I have to do and I am now growing up with him and taking in everything he does with new sober eyes.

Update Christmas 2015 …

I am a recovering alcoholic who has the best gift that can ever be given or received – sobriety and the AA family.

Thank you Social Ground Force Sligo & Mayo. Both my AA family and my friends and close family. Love to you all xx